Tidbits from Weekend Meditations

Some thoughts I don't want lose that were poignant for me this weekend.

a) Awareness is knowledge. Knowledge destroys the seeds of karma/old patterns/latent DNA (whatever you want to call it). Once you integrate knowledge into you life it becomes WISDOM!

b) Logic can bring you to the truth (which is not linear but spherical - get that one), but then it only takes you so far and then needs to be put aside; like driving your car to your living room (you need to park it in the garage and walk the rest of the way).

c) Teachers don't teach, they confuse - so that the pupil has an eye for wonder/searching/seeking. In ethiopia post the famine, people were so accustomed to receiving food that once the drought ended no one knew/could/desired to farm.

d) In the presence of fear there is a lack of love; real courage is in surrendering.

Chefs and Yogis

Kalani Yoga, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

I just returned from 7 days of being on the big island of Hawaii with a man who practices yoga like no other; without desire to yield to any trend, his asanas (poses) are scripted, choreographed and thoughtfully composed so there is deep intention on how to maximize a particular feeling or experience (e.g. expansion, thoughtfulness, vibrant energy, etc); there is no pose or movement placed by chance.

I think of his craft similar to that of a 3 star michelin chef who puts on an amazing meal with every ingredient felt, savored and tasted with intention; such a culinary experience lasts hours yet feels like minutes; Although he has studied the great culinary masters, some how this chef takes the same preparations and ingredients, orchestrates them with authenticity and candor so they sing higher on the palette.

Like a fine, fine dinner nourishing the soul, our classes were long, savory and sweet and very memorable. Thank you Jamie for one of the best meals I've ever had. We shall dine again soon.

Machuca

Machuca, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

So I have so many thoughts after Costa Rica. It was a mind blowing experience, "fur sure."

What is on my mind right now is many things that entered my brain after reading Jill Bolte's book, "my stroke of insight." She suffered a hemmorage on the left side of her brain, effectively shutting down all logic functions. Interestingly, it also shut down ego and all notions of past and future. She could only live in the divinity of the present moment. Some quote that struck me from this book are as follows:

“ …to experience pain may not be a choice, but to suffer is a cognitive decision.”

“The easiest way I have found to humble myself back into a state of peaceful grace is through the act of gratitude.”

“I must be willing to give up what I am in order to become what I will be.” - from Einstein

The image was from some cooling water dips at Machuca, or as Stephen likes to call it... EDEN; and it was an amazing garden.

baidaba

Costa Rica Candy, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

I just landed back from Costa Rica. There is so much to share of that rich, rich land; namely being astounded at the black gold soil that grows abundance, including this amazing fruit called baidaba (bahdeh-bah) - which tastes like warm sugary ice cream. This was ONE of 21 NEW fruit experiences to be had this weekend. My flickr account shows all my tastings, including the Amazing Fruit.

sneaks

May2009, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

glorious weekend in leavenworth, washington. It's a faux little town that attempts to create a stage set of Bavaria. Shy of success by the very fact that mc D's and Sbux must droop icicles from the eaves of their retail facades. I mean really, how many icicle eaves Mc D's do you see in Munich? I digress.

So there is something about just wearing clothing you can wreck (e.g. those things you sport at a camp site). I think that is what is meant by casual clothing... those items of clothing you can stain, rip, stretch, etc, and they just look better and better.

I've got a pair of jeans that are just about there.
Oddly, once they get to this magical state... it seems like they can only hold it for a little while before you are forced to turn them into cleaning rags. However, their state of appropriate"ness" still lasts longer than fancy duds. And darn it... they feel really good around a camp fire with flowing bottles of aged wine.

Kids

Longbranch 2009, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

I shot this kid playing in the ditch at Longbranch. Its amazing how you give a kid nothing and they make the world out of it. But you give a kid some programmed, i.e. a game, robot, puzzle - meaning something prescribed for a specific use or ONE solution - and it occupies them for minutes. Give them a ditch, static object, cardboard box and the enjoyment is hours (maybe days).

We prescribe too much for kids and ourselves. Everything is so structured, we/they are carted off to piano, karate, soccer, club, etc. etc. The genius and brilliance is the child IS FOUND when the child (and we) are given nothing but an imagination and free time to explore it. This is where true creativity and learning happen.

I often turn myself into a child weekly to stimulate my own wonder, explore my universe THEN it's amazing what surfaces. The ingredients are imagination (we all have it) and time. Simplify life by getting rid of the busy and I'm amazed at how much more I get to experience. Just like a pendulum, when it's at infinite speed (swinging back and forth so fast, faster, fastest) its at complete and TOTAL REST.

Clinical Trials

LMP-3695, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

I'm not sure if any one has conducted clinical trials on oneself, but I'm doing it now. For one week I'm consciously consuming my food, bite by bite, visualizing it given me power, strength healing. When I eat magnesium rich foods (like eggs and millet) - I feel and visualize those nutrients generating a HUGE factory of red blood cells. Salmon... I visualize and FEEL it energizing my muscles, repairing and making them stronger.

So far, today's ride I was STRONG. I made it 20 meters further on my hill climb effort with power thresholds not seen before.

Again, I post this with warning, I am in clinical trials... but I also take my probiotics and feel it killing ANY virus, bug, germ, etc - it is my HUMAN SHIELD (read shield from flu). I do think conscious medicine (with the right foods for you to FEEL it) is the FUTURE for our survival and THRIVAL.

Vance Creek Monuments

Vance Creek 2009, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

Vance Creek Road race is in a rather odd location. Its located in Elma, WA, which is southwest of Olympia (our state's capital). It's the site of where US tax payers fed $96 million into a concrete landscape for some nuclear power plants. The project ran out of cash at the same time public sentiment waned... so now its the site of weeds, decomposing concrete parking lots, towering concrete forms AND an annual bike race. Its rather eerie, and it remains here standing as it would cost way too much to demo.

I think about the presence of these monuments on the landscape. It symbolizes the erroneous notion of progress - thinking such things can make our lives easier - when really they make our lives enormously complex and in many cases damaging. I thought about the cell phone. How it becomes so convenient for us to do 20 things now at once (including the ability to tweet when I'm at a stop light). How we can be late and and just text ahead. How we can blame our missed appointment on it not being in our calendar. Sometimes I think if I just stayed home, tilled my yard, canned my foods, grew my daily, weekly and year sustenance... life would be so simple. AND giving up blogging would probably get me to bed a hell of a lot earlier.

Good night.

Dead End?

Sequim03.22.09, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

Today was another step in a journey. I'm fascinated by what I'm pulling in to me, what is drawn to me, my spaces. There is good energy in my world right now; amazing really.

Today I strolled to the top of Phinney Ridge to meet a new contact that runs a PR firm in Seattle at Herkimer Coffee (hip joint). We connected right away, but nothing about business. Suddenly, I found myself talking about self awareness - after we approached the topic of our current state of the world... and will IT really change after this new economic reality/shift we face. I thought so... but only because those that don't change, leave the gene pool and float in another/separate reality (kinda out there, but not really).

I recall what caused my own awareness and wondered how much of the world will/has reached theirs; FOR ME.... it was sudden AND under the notion of soul survival. I tell my story of awakening here, briefly:

4 years ago... I had been terminated from a job, position, career that I mistook as part of my core being. This position was ripped from me like a close, close friend. This job had defined me for two years (maybe longer as I transferred prior years of work into this job - as the culmination of a career). Then in the span of 10-15 minutes, a narcissistic, abusive assassin (or so I thought) shot me in side (like a prisoner in front of a firing squad) leaving me for dead.

I dragged myself home.
I crawled in bed with the weight of the world suffocating me.
I stayed still in bed for over 14 hours.
The next day, awakened by light; AND
the sound of a small bird perilously crashing into my window;
once;
twice;
three times...
again and again.
It was odd enough for me to pull myself to the window to get a glimse.
This bird was throwing itself into the glass over and over again.
I wondered...
what is it doing?
How could it, why would it continue to crash into my window?
Doesn't it know its hurting/killing itself?
Feathers falling to the earth at each strike;
Beak slamming into the glass;
Finally looking up I saw its nest in the tree and realized it was attacking its reflection in the window.

Wow, I thought.... its hurting itself each time....
FOR what?
My God, its killing itself with its own fear.

It was at this VERY moment I realized...
We alone are our own worst enemy.
We alone kill ourselves, drown ourselves with unfounded fear.
Release it. Stop creating pain!

I then drove down to Patagonia Arizona.
Chilled and meditated for 4 days.
I awoke.

Amazingly.... that assassin, was my savior.
Interesting how a dead end, suddenly becomes the beginning.

Stage Racin'

walla walla 2009, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

This past weekend was my SECOND stage race of the season. We had a grand showing of our finest teammates (those that are good on AND off the bike). We rented a quaint little house in the downtown as our base. The joint was full.

Like no other year, I'm enjoying my bike race community. We are a group of authentic, real people that enjoy riding our bike and living to tell about it. It has added another unexpected dimension to my life that is unexpected. Because we get time to laugh, suffer, lament and hang together during a stage race... these events seem to be the most desirable form of racing for me this season.

Just like life (again)... the journey is far richer than the actual event we take part in. I enjoy the process as much and if not more than the race themselves (except reaching the 1K sign in a grueling event - now that always seems to be the MOST joyful of all).

Drooling

Paul, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

Monday means 2 hour massage with drool, I mean Drew. We have a strong energetic, healing connection. He senses things about what I need (or my body needs), my body knows it... and it lets go, like it never has permitted itself to do. Drew has healed me in so many ways... physical, emotional and spiritual.

Here is my story about tonight's session:

Drew has an iPod.
He has several playlists of cool tunes (mind you he is a muscian and has played for some noteworthy bands).
One playlist (that he was playing) has over 300 songs.

There are several songs that I like of his...
ODDLY, when I'm there (and he always has it on random) I seek to hear TWO songs.

The first is a song by Sigur Ros called Svefn-G-Englar with a sonar sounding ping that is absolutely delicioius. And the second song is Imagine by John Lenon.

So tonight, Sigur came on when he was working my shoulders and back (the concentration of all my stress this week). Drew then said...
"gosh that is so weird, my iPod must like you."
I ask, "why is that?"
he said, "I go for days without hearing this song... then when you are here is always seems to play."
I said, "and you have it on random?"
he said, "yes."
I said, "well there is one more song I'd like to hear today... I'll will it to happen."

Then as Drew moved to my most needed portion of my body my neck and head, I started to feel John singing the song to heal my head, the world, its people... as I just imagined his patient youthful voice wringing those words from his soul.

THEN, the song started to play on Drew's iPod.
My friends, we can make anything happen around us; as long as its for the good of ourselves and the world around us. Just imagine, imagine all the people.

On Pain (a sensation)

LP Crit, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

This past weekend I did a very big stage race. I learned a lot about pain, and although I can tolerate a bunch of it, I chose this weekend not to experience too much of it. I watched a team mate suffering with flu symptoms just torture herself. It was amazing. She dug so deep as if her life depended on staying high up in the pack.

For me....

Sunday I woke to the feeling that I knew I didn't want to work very hard. (that was in my soul). I guess because I was sitting in 24th place (not 4th or even 20th), I certainly didn't have a good show the first two days... so my soul said, "have fun, 'cause you don't need to work too hard." Well... as much fun as 60 miles with 6K feet of climbing can be.

What is interesting about bike racing is that you must choose pain. But pain must be worth it - however you define the value (and to a bike racer this can be a personal thing). To be successful, you also must put your mind aside and realize that it's not pain, but just a sensation and its ONLY our mind in that tells us it is not right. What if we didn't place any judgement on that sensation? What if we didn't place judgement on any "negative feeling" sensation we encountered in life... wouldn't life be more tolerable? Wouldn't in the end you'd see victory in anything we encounter as we move from sensation to sensation? I guess life would be sensational?

I wonder.
I think I shall inflict more sensations this weekend.
Join me?

Fat Lip

Independence Valley 2009, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

So I remember when I was a kid, and I wasn't happy about things exactly going my way... I would show my parents a fat lower, pouty lip. It was to suggest that I was sad or the event(s) didn't meet my expectations.

Today didn't go as planned; but then again I didn't make plans - other than to get in my car, visit with a team mate and travel to a race south of Olympia, Washington (about a 70 mile commute one way). The weather was horrid and got worse the further south we drove.

In the end, after 40 minutes of watching popsicle team mates stroll in one, by one.... then going inside to view the shivers, shaking and general palsy of those attempting to find warmth... martha and I got back in the car and headed NORTH for Seattle. Saying something like "we shall live to fight another day!"

Yes. Indeed.
This was our experience. We enjoyed ourselves and made plans for other days.

No fat lips here.

Foodlogging

Seattle Shooting#2, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

So I just created the new term of foodlogging. For the past 60 days I've been entering all my food data to create my own accountability for getting myself on a training nutrition; making sure I eat foods that heal me, recovery me faster. The public display of this data is HERE.

Wow, what people know about me...maybe more than what I know about myself.

I decided to make this public because I think I've been feeling superior forms of recovery after racing. What my foodlogging doesn't cover is KEY supplementations and techniques.

Here are my secret daily routines AND the post race recovery info:

AM - routine
a) VSL#3 (medical grade probiotics - to process all the good stuff in gut)
b) E3 Enzyme Supreme (because we don't have enough enzymes to break down nutrients)
c) H-Minus (Active Hydrogen - super antiox)
d) E3Live (AFA Superfood to feel like Superman - buzzzzzz) - 1 Shot
e) Omega-Cure (High Grade Fish Oil - awesome anti-inflamatory & lubicates jointes) 1 TBL
f) 50K Vitamin D (1 capsule every 10 Days - 10 known cancers are linked to deficiency)

PM - routine
a) VSL#3 (same as above)
b) Triphala (digestive support)
c) Trace Minerals (to repair muscles you need trace elements)

POST WORKOUTS - routine
a) Montmorency Tart Cherry Juice (anthocyanins for anti-anflam and healing)
b) Whey Protein (add banana or with Agave nectar)
c) Compression Tights (hard race days)
d) Soaking Bath with Himalayan Rock Salt and Ayuvedic Anti-inflammatory Oil

Just in case you wanted to know...

Creating Space

Mason#3, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

I officially finished my first CAT 3 race of the season; a boost of confidence for the possible; not just the possible of what my body can do, but what all of me can do.

I wrote a letter to a friend from high school today who recently lost her mother at the age of 40. I lost mine at 24. I told her that I gained much and learned much from my mother's passing. Intrigued, she bravely asked what could that gain be. I wrote her the following:

I learned that the future is NEVER as good as the present, because we never get the future right and our mind likes to dabble in all the anxious options. My future has become superlative once I realized LOSS = GAIN. When we allow us to leave/let go of the LOSS it create space for things we NEVER imagined.

My parents leaving me created space for me to find myself (true self) - not the ones I thought they wanted me to be; it created space for me to feel and be open to other kinds of love; it created space for me to explore places when my parents would have thought otherwise; it created amazing space that has allowed me to be who I am today. I can't imagine my life without going through the loss... because the gain continues to be marvelous.

We all need to (gradually) know that letting go allows us to have more space for the exact things we need in this life/in this experience. Its not detachment, but rather not becoming attached to things that eventually leave us; parents, relationships, health, iPods, money, etc.

That was and is my BIG lesson. I live it and love it every day.

Ballard Shooting

Seattle Shooting#2, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

Murphy, Fin and me did a good ol' Sunday shoot um up. We decided we'd go to Ballard Sunday Market as it would be a target rich environment. WOW. Even Finlay was giddy about all the cool foodie foods at the market -as it had been a while for me. I can tell this will be a regular Sunday affair as the elements in this Sunday market are truly artisan, careful of craft and worthy of praise.

It was fun to use Fin as a decoy for us to take cool pictures. He would look so cute walking up to things taking pictures that we could naturally follow. Its amazing how people feel comfortable with the photo inquisitions of a child rather than those of a full grown kid (me). I guess we all know that the intentions of a child are innocent. As for me... we never know.

Xanax

Tour de Dung, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

Xanax (not to be confused with Zana pictured here) is habit forming (per the drug dictionary website). You can become physically and psychologically dependent on the medication. Withdrawal effects may occur if Xanax is stopped suddenly after several weeks of continuous use.

Kinda like bike racing. I realize its addictive. The community, the ritual, the efforts to test oneself on a crappy rainy day.

This weekend started this season's Xanx, and I took this picture of Zana at Tour de Dung in Sequim Washington. It reminded me of a drug advertisement.

Diggin' this Shot

Ice Breaker TT, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

I took this picture of Guy last weekend. I'm really diggin it.

a start

Ice TT, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

This is a shot by Brian Snyder (my teammate). This is where I was looking fast, but not fast enough to get to the race's start line in time to hit my scheduled departure.

Net result was that my tardiness added a raw 20-30 seconds to my overall time, not to mention just being "off" through the entire race. I also didn't have time to remove my jacket or the dragging water bottle in my back pocket. I can say it was a good ride, I liked my new fast position, until the last 2-3 miles where the saddle nose was digging into my frontal area. I'm still feeling that pressure this morning.

So...
I need more work. I can't be discouraged, because this is my journey. I must experience some greater intensities to get stronger. Again, this is synonymous with life - eh?

TT Sunday

Tucson Training Camp, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

So....
Sunday begins the start of my racing season. Its the icebreaker TT and I'm feeling ready. I have a new position that is lower, aggressive and maybe a challenge to ride. I suspect its a lot how people see life right now given the challenge of our economic times. But honestly, these lower more aggressive times makes us more nimble, faster, creative, hungry. Yup, another analogy that bike racing is a lot like life. Ride hard.