just a wall

shilshole, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

A friend told me that I talk in the third person; never associating what I am saying to me, I, myself. SO, this blog entry I will attempt to use no 3rd person vernacular when referring to myself. Well, its a big growth month.

about a week ago, I realized that the reason I'm not able to push myself into a handstand (given that I do have the strength) was because I had this perception of being bottom heavy. I thought for a moment and then I realized that the root center (this bottom part of me) represents my connection to the world, survival, existence and basic functioning. I also realized that this heaviness in the root was my need to control and my unwillingness to let go and trust (yup I'm a control freak).

interesting.

So, if I wanted to conquer this heaviness and bring lightness, I actually had to let go, lose control, trust. Its opposite of what I would "think" to do.

interesting.

So for the past two weeks, I'd approach my challenge and breathe deeply, putting my finger tips against the wall, breathe deeply again; then I would use my inside voice (ie. prayer/mantra) saying, I trust all that is present, I trust divinity to care for me, I am free, I am light, I am all I need to be, I am safe (the core concept here was not just saying it but honestly FEELING IT in my whole body). Each day I felt lighter and lighter. Each day my yoga teacher would say I'm 60% there, 70% there 85% there....

and today?

Well, I crossed the barrier. I am trusting. I am lighter. I am free. I am all I need to be. I am.

So the wall was my perception, I placed the barrier.
I am curious as to what else I am soon to see. I find that I must pay attention to my physical body because it tells me so much of what is happening in my emotional and spiritual self.