Dead End?

Sequim03.22.09, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

Today was another step in a journey. I'm fascinated by what I'm pulling in to me, what is drawn to me, my spaces. There is good energy in my world right now; amazing really.

Today I strolled to the top of Phinney Ridge to meet a new contact that runs a PR firm in Seattle at Herkimer Coffee (hip joint). We connected right away, but nothing about business. Suddenly, I found myself talking about self awareness - after we approached the topic of our current state of the world... and will IT really change after this new economic reality/shift we face. I thought so... but only because those that don't change, leave the gene pool and float in another/separate reality (kinda out there, but not really).

I recall what caused my own awareness and wondered how much of the world will/has reached theirs; FOR ME.... it was sudden AND under the notion of soul survival. I tell my story of awakening here, briefly:

4 years ago... I had been terminated from a job, position, career that I mistook as part of my core being. This position was ripped from me like a close, close friend. This job had defined me for two years (maybe longer as I transferred prior years of work into this job - as the culmination of a career). Then in the span of 10-15 minutes, a narcissistic, abusive assassin (or so I thought) shot me in side (like a prisoner in front of a firing squad) leaving me for dead.

I dragged myself home.
I crawled in bed with the weight of the world suffocating me.
I stayed still in bed for over 14 hours.
The next day, awakened by light; AND
the sound of a small bird perilously crashing into my window;
once;
twice;
three times...
again and again.
It was odd enough for me to pull myself to the window to get a glimse.
This bird was throwing itself into the glass over and over again.
I wondered...
what is it doing?
How could it, why would it continue to crash into my window?
Doesn't it know its hurting/killing itself?
Feathers falling to the earth at each strike;
Beak slamming into the glass;
Finally looking up I saw its nest in the tree and realized it was attacking its reflection in the window.

Wow, I thought.... its hurting itself each time....
FOR what?
My God, its killing itself with its own fear.

It was at this VERY moment I realized...
We alone are our own worst enemy.
We alone kill ourselves, drown ourselves with unfounded fear.
Release it. Stop creating pain!

I then drove down to Patagonia Arizona.
Chilled and meditated for 4 days.
I awoke.

Amazingly.... that assassin, was my savior.
Interesting how a dead end, suddenly becomes the beginning.