just a wall

shilshole, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

A friend told me that I talk in the third person; never associating what I am saying to me, I, myself. SO, this blog entry I will attempt to use no 3rd person vernacular when referring to myself. Well, its a big growth month.

about a week ago, I realized that the reason I'm not able to push myself into a handstand (given that I do have the strength) was because I had this perception of being bottom heavy. I thought for a moment and then I realized that the root center (this bottom part of me) represents my connection to the world, survival, existence and basic functioning. I also realized that this heaviness in the root was my need to control and my unwillingness to let go and trust (yup I'm a control freak).

interesting.

So, if I wanted to conquer this heaviness and bring lightness, I actually had to let go, lose control, trust. Its opposite of what I would "think" to do.

interesting.

So for the past two weeks, I'd approach my challenge and breathe deeply, putting my finger tips against the wall, breathe deeply again; then I would use my inside voice (ie. prayer/mantra) saying, I trust all that is present, I trust divinity to care for me, I am free, I am light, I am all I need to be, I am safe (the core concept here was not just saying it but honestly FEELING IT in my whole body). Each day I felt lighter and lighter. Each day my yoga teacher would say I'm 60% there, 70% there 85% there....

and today?

Well, I crossed the barrier. I am trusting. I am lighter. I am free. I am all I need to be. I am.

So the wall was my perception, I placed the barrier.
I am curious as to what else I am soon to see. I find that I must pay attention to my physical body because it tells me so much of what is happening in my emotional and spiritual self.

form & formless

Mackenzie River Camping, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

When I was a kid, I could remember walking home, pausing at the overturned backstops in the ballfields, resting atop these school ground beds staring at the sky. As I gazed up at the clouds, i would push my hands in front of my face and stare at them wondering if I were real, or just an illusion; this was at the age 8 or so.

Now, this month I seem to be returning to the childlike innocence and challenging the "expected" truths of society. Its actually quite cool because Robert Fulgrum was not quite right, in that all we really needed to learn we brought with us as a child.

I must say it is a powerful contemplation month for me (for some reason). I'm realizing that life (or form) here on earth is really just a cloak or illusion of experience. We have an illusionary perception of time, but that is just a cloak that ages/changes/alters and the true self, the true consciousness of our being just IS and always IS. For example I further contemplate the sun rising and setting... yet the sun just IS. As we just ARE. If we can detach from the form and our external cloak, we connect with the true self (the I AM). Many authors are writing more about this as pure consciousness. Its very cool.

Be curious.
It only gets more interesting!

Senses

I'm realizing the limitation of my mind's recording mechanisms (eyes, ears, nose, mouth - mostly). These small peep holes into the universe limit input and therefore the concept of what is around us. It is fun to experience a deeper understanding through the sensations perceived in intuition. I'm not sure where this originates, but it seems most surfacing in stillness - where the practice shuts off everything else, so consciousness (or your true self, soul, whatever) can feel. The perceptions within the realm are deep, creative, lovely and beyond words (given that our mouths can only speak of things we have vocabulary).

meditation excursion

Kalani Yoga, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

I just spent 4 days in silence and meditation. between rounds of meditation i did breath work, yoga, ate and slept a little. it was a fascinating journey. so much gained about this life, form, time and my mind. some key thoughts:

a) i like so many other people identify with form; my body, my place, its health, looks, fitness - yet it is of this earth and will return to this earth; my soul will lift and i felt its weightlessness for the first time; felt formless. woah, cool!

b) nothing will ever change AND everything is always changing; the great paradox - helpful for things you complain about!

c) life is like the sun, our limited capacities and abilities to understand it through our small sensory preceptors is exemplified such that we think it rises in the morning and sets in the evening; truth is the sun does neither, it just is. (okay noodle on that one)

d) love is possible on this earth given form (being human) and duality (the beloved and lover). Its important to experience this now... because unity is coming.

ok...
I'm not usually this deep on my blog, but sensations of the divine, of the truth were not to be contained within my form. Over and out.