So....
Driving this morning the fall clouds caused a conscious moment; one of those absolute presences where I can't think about anything, but just feel everything. Its like my skin (in that fraction of a moment) took on extra receptors.
this presence is what so many people call consciousness, present moment, zen, self awareness or even love. I enjoy accepting and feeling these moments, without thought, without direction.
Then....
I notice the fall sky illustrated to me change is near. I feel it.
externally and internally. a challenging conversation with a dear friend included the line... "what you did was wrong, just wrong." when I heard this word, wrong, I felt no connection to it. it didn't even hit hard. it was foreign. I've never heard anyone use that on me. "wrong" I uttered as if not knowing the meaning. then it occurred to me, this word doesn't exist in my dictionary. my response?
LISA: "wrong?" "what I did wasn't wrong."
"what YOU did wasn't wrong."
"what we did in the moment was the best thing we could possibly have done in that moment when confronted by fear or the absence of self love. there is nothing wrong with that moment, its perfect. there is no judgment I have about you or myself about that past moment. its gone."
"As for me, I hope you would never see anything I did as wrong or judge it to be so. But, rather we accept each other and ourselves as people that are doing the best they can in each moment while managing the pool of fears and inadequacies we swim in. certainly there are things we can do for those we care about that don't exacerbate our fears. those are the things we can attempt and talk about, without judgment or expectation; how we can help each other manage fears and increase love.
oddly I know there is unconscious behavior and conscious behavior. I don't judge behaviors as right or wrong; hard for some to imagine, but it helps me to be ever more present, feeling the clouds, feeling this existence.
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