One

enchant-thru, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

I just read this text on a blog about "unity-consiouness". I found it full of paradox, ambiguity, contradiction yet comforting.
Enjoy.

There are no persons;
There is One God,;
One Mind. Truth IS One.

AND
There are no persons realizing One Mind;
Knowing One Mind; Only One Mind Knowing;
Knowing, oneness of Mind.

The Self knows its intelligent, all wise, all knowing. In this true sense of being, there is nothing outside to influence or be influenced.
One.

enchanted

enchant-thru, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

this picture basically sums up my adventure through the enchantments; the eye dropping beauty, the relax and ease of a fly fisherman, and the edges of physical limits.

what was so needed this weekend was an escape from mind, from thought, from everyplace the mind seeks to go except the places it cannot; the present moment.

the wonderfulness of being enchanted, is you can't be in your head. you must be in the space of feeling all the absolute beauty around you.

we all must get enchanted, even if its only for a day.

bikology

calif2011-57.jpg, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

I walked out of a meditation retreat today. I was looking forward to it, but maybe looking forward to being in No Cal. When I arrived in the parking lot this AM, the energy felt off. My mind kept responding to what my skin was feeling...

the venue was draining my energy.

i walked in. no place to put my mat.
the yoga was made up, synthetic and unauthentic - nothing specific, but my skin felt it.

The vibration of the people seemed vapid, searching, sucking.

I had an encounter with a gent that was apparently a teacher with the organization and he insisted on the following:

"we all must see that we are responsible for everything. that everything we do we are responsible for in this existence."

I responded by saying...
If you speak of absolute truth in that we are responsible for everything and nothing, I understand. This existence just IS. If you are saying that we are responsible for our past or future, I disagree.

he began to speak of karma. I said, I don' understand your dictionary. You are using terms I'm not familiar with in my vocabulary.

he got flustered. I also took issue with the group's focus on accepting those people around you that it was most important to just accept, accept. I said you must first accept yourself before any of that is possible given we often react to people based on things we don't like to see in ourselves.

on that comment, deer was looking at me in the headlamps. tumble weeds passed between us and I think I heard crickets chirping in the distance.

in this moment, i packed up my yoga mat, got in my car and engaged in the theology of hard breath work of the pedal stroke... Bikology.
Ohmmmmmmmmmm.

These static images appear so dynamic. Crazy cool!

Observe closely which disc is turning faster ?

I bet u cant reach any solution because both are exactly same and turning at same rate …

Pillow Wars

Pillow Wars, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

played in the international pillow wars on saturday. it was like being a kid all over again. i grabbed a pillow, ran to the center and put on a tazmainian devil pillow swat of all those around me. wow that felt good. I highly recommend for everyone participate next year. heck grab a pillow now.

Acceptance

So....

Driving this morning the fall clouds caused a conscious moment; one of those absolute presences where I can't think about anything, but just feel everything. Its like my skin (in that fraction of a moment) took on extra receptors.

this presence is what so many people call consciousness, present moment, zen, self awareness or even love. I enjoy accepting and feeling these moments, without thought, without direction.

Then....

I notice the fall sky illustrated to me change is near. I feel it.
externally and internally. a challenging conversation with a dear friend included the line... "what you did was wrong, just wrong." when I heard this word, wrong, I felt no connection to it. it didn't even hit hard. it was foreign. I've never heard anyone use that on me. "wrong" I uttered as if not knowing the meaning. then it occurred to me, this word doesn't exist in my dictionary. my response?

LISA: "wrong?" "what I did wasn't wrong."
"what YOU did wasn't wrong."
"what we did in the moment was the best thing we could possibly have done in that moment when confronted by fear or the absence of self love. there is nothing wrong with that moment, its perfect. there is no judgment I have about you or myself about that past moment. its gone."

"As for me, I hope you would never see anything I did as wrong or judge it to be so. But, rather we accept each other and ourselves as people that are doing the best they can in each moment while managing the pool of fears and inadequacies we swim in. certainly there are things we can do for those we care about that don't exacerbate our fears. those are the things we can attempt and talk about, without judgment or expectation; how we can help each other manage fears and increase love.

oddly I know there is unconscious behavior and conscious behavior. I don't judge behaviors as right or wrong; hard for some to imagine, but it helps me to be ever more present, feeling the clouds, feeling this existence.

who we really are

hooligans, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

Ok its been some time since I've blogged. I've depended on twitter to get some micro thoughts out there, yet twitter can't hold these thoughts I have now. These thoughts and conversations I'm having with so many of my friends. These conversations are about the loss of fitness as they age or the race win identity they once had. I recently wrote the following in an email to a good friend.

-----
I will say about aging and it's relationship to racing, life, fitness, etc.
is THAT to transition successfully...
we move from a place of doing to a place of being.
we realize that wining and being at the top of our game is really dependent on other people; them being less than we are.

As to BEING....
We just ARE (that is who we are) irrespective of winning or losing.
We aren't dependent on anything to be ourselves (at the core);
We aren't dependent on winning a race to be a thoughtful, caring, giving, beautiful human"being".
WE just ARE and that is beautiful, so beautiful.

We realize that there is a much bigger "win" when we can share ourselves and open ourselves to the possibility of connection.
In that effort of opening we find that everything just IS (as it IS), and this just is the beauty of pure being.

I observe in myself the desire to find living in things or titles, and it is a challenge to shed this notion or form.
I find more and more that the depth of my life rests in nothing specific, but being alive, enthusiastic and sharing this conscious space with those capable of receiving.

AND I try not to let my ego take this positive space and say this is my "winning game" (i.e. my identity) 'cause that's fleeting too. Keep opening your own mindfulness, awareness, consciousness of what truly makes you. We will find that the loss of the "race" identity will allow us to see that this identity was never us in the first place.

Define me not for what I was, or "may" become....
but what I am right now....
the person writing this text and posting it to my blog. that's all.

SoCal Trip

SoCal Trip, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

its been a while since I visited california. i missed the weather, but i didn't miss the lifestyle dominated by traffic and congestion. wow is it bad. laguna is wonderful. biking and ashtanga yoga, wonderful. wow, i didn't realize its been so long since i blogged. I've been micro blogging instead (twitter). okay, i need to get back to it, need to be more relevant. soon. soon.

tucson trifecta

Rocks and Ropes, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

Yesterday was a great LAST day of my holiday season in Tucson. I biked, yoga-ed, climbed. Then a last few hours spent with good friends and amazing food.

Tucson Adventures

Tucson Climb, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

I travelled to Tucson this year for the holidays. I brought Doug. We climbed, hiked, biked, talked, walked, drank, ate, biked, talked, biked some more.

He missed his flight.
Hung out a few more hours...

Great time.

fullness without end

twinpeaks, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

"Willing to experience aloneness,
I discover connection everywhere;
Turning to face my fear,
I meet the warrior who lives within;
Opening to my loss,
I gain the embrace of the universe;
Surrendering into emptiness,
I find fullness without end.
Each condition I flee from pursues me.
Each condition I welcome transforms me.
And becomes itself transformed
Into its radiant jewel-like essence.
I bow to the one who has made it so,
Who has crafted this Master Game.
To play it is purest delight;
To honor its form--true devotion."
- Jennifer Welwood

SF yogatimes

sf yoga, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

Just returned from some days of studying yoga in San Francisco with my dear friend pat, past Kalani folks (yoga dogs) and universal yoga with Andrey Lappa.

It was a phenomenal way to spend my 41st birthday. We had to rise EARLY for a 6:30am yoga class every morning. Pat and I then puttered around the city, nibbled, laughed, chatted, dined, did more yoga, rode bikes, etc.

There were several highlights. TO name a few:
a) Dinner at Delfina after a hugely energetic ashtanga yoga class with Mier.
b) Dinner with Di Di at Foreign Cinema the night of my birthday where we had some of the best service in town; not to mention that there were 3 sexy beasts that were placed at that table of ours.
c) yoga photo shoot atop twin peaks on a warm fall morning.

just a wall

shilshole, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

A friend told me that I talk in the third person; never associating what I am saying to me, I, myself. SO, this blog entry I will attempt to use no 3rd person vernacular when referring to myself. Well, its a big growth month.

about a week ago, I realized that the reason I'm not able to push myself into a handstand (given that I do have the strength) was because I had this perception of being bottom heavy. I thought for a moment and then I realized that the root center (this bottom part of me) represents my connection to the world, survival, existence and basic functioning. I also realized that this heaviness in the root was my need to control and my unwillingness to let go and trust (yup I'm a control freak).

interesting.

So, if I wanted to conquer this heaviness and bring lightness, I actually had to let go, lose control, trust. Its opposite of what I would "think" to do.

interesting.

So for the past two weeks, I'd approach my challenge and breathe deeply, putting my finger tips against the wall, breathe deeply again; then I would use my inside voice (ie. prayer/mantra) saying, I trust all that is present, I trust divinity to care for me, I am free, I am light, I am all I need to be, I am safe (the core concept here was not just saying it but honestly FEELING IT in my whole body). Each day I felt lighter and lighter. Each day my yoga teacher would say I'm 60% there, 70% there 85% there....

and today?

Well, I crossed the barrier. I am trusting. I am lighter. I am free. I am all I need to be. I am.

So the wall was my perception, I placed the barrier.
I am curious as to what else I am soon to see. I find that I must pay attention to my physical body because it tells me so much of what is happening in my emotional and spiritual self.

form & formless

Mackenzie River Camping, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

When I was a kid, I could remember walking home, pausing at the overturned backstops in the ballfields, resting atop these school ground beds staring at the sky. As I gazed up at the clouds, i would push my hands in front of my face and stare at them wondering if I were real, or just an illusion; this was at the age 8 or so.

Now, this month I seem to be returning to the childlike innocence and challenging the "expected" truths of society. Its actually quite cool because Robert Fulgrum was not quite right, in that all we really needed to learn we brought with us as a child.

I must say it is a powerful contemplation month for me (for some reason). I'm realizing that life (or form) here on earth is really just a cloak or illusion of experience. We have an illusionary perception of time, but that is just a cloak that ages/changes/alters and the true self, the true consciousness of our being just IS and always IS. For example I further contemplate the sun rising and setting... yet the sun just IS. As we just ARE. If we can detach from the form and our external cloak, we connect with the true self (the I AM). Many authors are writing more about this as pure consciousness. Its very cool.

Be curious.
It only gets more interesting!

Senses

I'm realizing the limitation of my mind's recording mechanisms (eyes, ears, nose, mouth - mostly). These small peep holes into the universe limit input and therefore the concept of what is around us. It is fun to experience a deeper understanding through the sensations perceived in intuition. I'm not sure where this originates, but it seems most surfacing in stillness - where the practice shuts off everything else, so consciousness (or your true self, soul, whatever) can feel. The perceptions within the realm are deep, creative, lovely and beyond words (given that our mouths can only speak of things we have vocabulary).

meditation excursion

Kalani Yoga, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

I just spent 4 days in silence and meditation. between rounds of meditation i did breath work, yoga, ate and slept a little. it was a fascinating journey. so much gained about this life, form, time and my mind. some key thoughts:

a) i like so many other people identify with form; my body, my place, its health, looks, fitness - yet it is of this earth and will return to this earth; my soul will lift and i felt its weightlessness for the first time; felt formless. woah, cool!

b) nothing will ever change AND everything is always changing; the great paradox - helpful for things you complain about!

c) life is like the sun, our limited capacities and abilities to understand it through our small sensory preceptors is exemplified such that we think it rises in the morning and sets in the evening; truth is the sun does neither, it just is. (okay noodle on that one)

d) love is possible on this earth given form (being human) and duality (the beloved and lover). Its important to experience this now... because unity is coming.

ok...
I'm not usually this deep on my blog, but sensations of the divine, of the truth were not to be contained within my form. Over and out.

Day 2 w/ Swenson

Kalani B&W, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

I began my day with a stroll down 4th Street in Vancouver. Nice overcast morning, chill of the air on my flesh. I then went for a 2 hour ride around stanley park then over to west vancouver and cypress park. I was getting tired and knew I had a full day ahead of me with nearly 8 hours with David Swenson at the yoga studio.

Lunch a typical whole food grab and go, but you gotta love Vancouverites... because this whole foods actually has a raw food bar and some of the yummiest salads without onions.

Now about my yoga day. We started at 1pm doing the FULL ashtanga primary series. There were about 50 people in the class so I was a bit smoked and dripped so much sweat my hair was completely wet and my body drenched. Lucky for me I had my cotton mat to soak it up.

The second session was about flight, balance and learning to use less effort in our practice. I learned that I must balance on my fingers like my toes perform when I walk. I tested the concept and it gave me new body awareness to test in my landing forward and pushing back (its all a handstand and I know that has been my nemesis for sometime). I also discovered new positioning for my legs (like getting them the hell out of the way, crossing at the shins and flexing the feet). This second session was probably one of the most helpful. I will say that David is a bit goofy and I think his style is technically very good yet his exploration of pranayama was a bit lacking. I basically think he is a vata constitution that just needs to move a lot.

Well...
tomorrow we learn some of the intermediate series and a special session on inversions (my favorite). Namaste!

Vancouver with Swenson

Kalani Yoga, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

I just drove up to Vancouver this evening to attend a weekend workshop with David Swenson. David must be the most beautiful yogi I've ever seen practice; the guy really floats with amazing grace.

So the first evening (Friday) was an informal lecture on Ashtanga yoga. David seemed to take the topic lightly and interjected humor at every junction. I'm not sure I was fond of the style, but I did just drop myself into this studio after being 20 minutes late (given border crossing).

After his demonstration (absolutely gorgeous), we did do a practice of some basic A + B series to feel the breath, prana and practice our bundas. He taught me some subtle oppositions that caused my forward bends to go further and deeper.

What is fascinating to me right now is how my poses seem to work me, how I'm finding extension and length. I think the biggest learning lesson this evening was on drishti (internal focus and outward gaze). I discovered that our internal focus can deepen when our drishti is challenged by distraction. There is a lot of distractions in daily life. Our yoga is to have the subtle gaze yet deep understanding of who we really are, the true I am.

seattle yogic journey

Kalani B&W, originally uploaded by lmpicard.

This week pat (my temporary boyfriend - thank you Christy) and I decided we would attempt to see all that Seattle had to offer in terms of yogis. Now I've been practicing for about 4-5 years (on and off and more regular in the past 2) and Pat has been a bit of a rabid new comer at 12-14 months. Our perspectives are similar yet also very different. He has been formally trained (200 hour teacher training), I have not. I seem to like the fact that every teacher has something to tell you, yet often times the lessons comes in painfully small bites with less articulate or practiced yogis.

Sunday found me at Rain City Yoga then that evening, meditating and practicing at Troy Lucero's studio. Today we wandered into the noon class with Kathleen Hunt at Samadi. All were solid experiences and each I felt something new. I am actively journaling about this journey. I'm posting this picture here because its a post I'm cultivating and think I can achieve. Today I got one leg behind my head in this resting yogi pose. I would like to say I'm halfway there, but I know the second leg is the harder and resting is even harder.

Namaste.

special new brand

this evening a dear friend and I prepared dinner and dreamt up a new special brand. we know it doesn't look like much but there is just a little more to reveal before the masses scream for more. stay tuned.